I first heard this song performed twenty-plus years ago by my friend Erica Leopold.
It was written by a woman named Casey Scott, and I am guessing that Erica heard the song when it was recorded by a jazz singer named Holly Cole — although I read in Casey’s bio that she used to live in the Boston area in the 1980s…so maybe Erica heard Casey busking in Harvard Square!
I have found a lot of comfort over the years re-visiting Erica’s version of this song — which she recorded with pianist Doug Hammer and included on her debut CD.
Erica used to attend lots of music festivals and concerts in order to find great songs from all genres — folk, jazz, pop — that she could weave into her own musical performances.
I produced a couple of her performances when I oversaw events at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education in Harvard Square. I also performed with her several times in a winter holiday benefit series.
She was a generous collaborator, and she “cleaned up very nicely” when it came time to perform — wearing beautiful outfits with elegant hair and makeup.
Erica moved from the Boston area to western Massachusetts, and her singing activities slowed down as she focused on mothering a wonderful daughter who became very involved with horses.
Then (ARGH!!!!!) Erica discovered that she had brain cancer — which she fought with grace and humor for several years.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
I biked to visit her when she was getting care in an excellent rehab facility in the Boston area after a big operation. I brought my ukulele and a songbook, thinking that she might like to make some music together.
But after a few songs, I realized that she just wanted to be quiet, make eye contact and hold hands.
So we did that for a while.
“Cry if you want to, I won’t tell you not to, I won’t try to cheer you up… I’ll just be here if you want me.”
Erica hung in there for a long time, with a dedicated network of friends and family visiting her on a regular basis.
She died near the end of 2022…
Here’s a link to her obituary if you are curious to learn a little more about this lovely soul.
And here’s a link to her Facebook page — which offers a beautiful glimpse into her life.
Another deep breath in.
And deep breath out.
A few years ago I learned “Cry (If You Want to)” so that I could perform it with pianist Molly Ruggles during a UU church service in Medford, MA.
And then I recorded it with pianist Doug Hammer last year — in honor of one of my nephews, whose father had recently died.
“It’s no use in keeping a stiff upper lip, you can weep, you can sleep, you can loosen your grip. You can frown, you can drown and go down with the ship… you can cry if you want to.”
The graphic design for my recording of this song juxtaposes a photo taken by my sister Christianne of this nephew walking in a stream on their farm in upstate New York with a professional photo of me when I was about the same age as this nephew (who is covered up by my head to preserve his privacy…)
He will probably be grieving the loss of his dad — in obvious and not-so-obvious ways — for the rest of his life.
“You can stare at the ceiling and tear at your hair, swallow your feelings and stammer and swear…”
Yet another deep breath in.
And deep breath out.
I spent many hours this week putting together a Spotify playlist of songs for a baby shower in honor of my niece and her husband.
You may remember them from a blog post I shared in November 2019 about their wonderful wedding.
At the suggestion of her mother I included a lot of songs which our family used to listen to and sing when we were children and teenagers.
Some of them — such as “Stewball” by Peter, Paul & Mary, “I’m Gonna Be A Country Girl Again” by Buffy Sainte-Marie, and “Our House” by Crosby, Still, Nash & Young — moved me to tears.
Music can be a very powerful connection to past events, past loved ones, past memories.
One more deep breath in.
And deep breath out.
I wish more of us would set aside time to listen to music and have a good cry.
I have a belief that much of the dysfunctional — and at times horrifically destructive — choices that my fellow human beings make on a daily basis are due to past injuries, past humiliations and past losses which have never been properly acknowledged and grieved.
For example, here’s a blog post I wrote back in 2019 about a very damaged — and damaging — human being who is still in the news these days.
When was the last time HE had a good cry?
Does anyone ever offer him an empathetic shoulder to cry on?
I am guessing, “no.”
I have long been fascinated by the way that tears come out of our eyes, which are located near the front part of our brains.
And I often wonder if crying might be part of how our brain processes/grieves/heals itself following an injury, insult or loss…
What do YOU think?
I hope that this song — which offers such a comprehensive, open-hearted, and non-judgmental invitation to cry — might touch the hearts of a few of my fellow human beings who may be feeling a bit shut down and overwhelmed by all that is happening these days here on planet earth.
One more deep breath in.
And deep breath out.
Thank you to Casey Scott for writing this song.
Thank you to the photographer who took the photo of me as a teenager — when I was still working a little bit professionally (doing voice-overs, commercials and subbing on the soap opera ANOTHER WORLD).
Thank you to my sister for taking the photo of my nephew in the glen and to Stephen Fischer for incorporating it into a graphic design for this song release.
Thank you to Doug Hammer for his sensitive piano playing and nuanced engineering/producing chops.
Thank you to the photographers at Pixabay for their beautiful images.
And thank YOU for reading and listening to another one of my blog posts.
If you like this song well enough to listen to it again, you are welcome to stream it by clicking here.
And you are always welcome to visit my musical website by clicking here.
amusicalifeonplanetearth 
I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend and your brother-in-law. May their memories be a blessing. 💙 Beautiful photos and your song, of course. I’ve been doing lots of crying the last couple weeks.
Thank you! I know the ground rules of life here on planet earth — that life is full of change and that when one loves a person or a situation or an animal companion, eventually one is going to experience the loss of that human, or that situation or animal companion. But knowing the ground rules doesn’t seem to make it any easier to accept or to grieve these losses when they occur. And then there are the larger, systemic losses we are experiencing these days — losses of decency/respect in our public discourse, for example, or losses of healthy coral reefs… how does one set aside time to grieve for those kinds of losses? Sometimes the best I can manage is “deep breath in… deep breath out.” And may all of the memories (and photos) of your dearly loved — and recently departed — cat bring you a small measure of comfort!
Yes, you are so right, Will, about knowing the ground rules and finding it difficult to accept. I do have many wonderful photos and memories. Thank you, and I hope you find the same comfort for your losses. xx
What a touching and compassionate post Will. I’m sorry for your losses, now and before with Erica. And thank you for the invitation to cry and feel our losses. Beautiful rendition of this song too. I agree that music is powerful and a tool that could be used intentionally for more good. May we offer more hugs, music, and compassion.🙏
Yes, yes and yes! As I wrote in a previous comment, one of the biggest, ongoing life lessons here on planet earth seems (to me) to be the one about love and loss. Can we love someone — knowing that that either they or I will inevitably die? Can we open our hearts to love AGAIN after experiencing deep loss? How do we keep our hearts open during this period of profound species extinctions (which, even if we are in denial about it, I am guessing we all still feel on some elemental level because we are all connected in obvious and not-so-obvious ways to each other via the amazing web of life)? Maybe music can help… May YOU continue to grieve your mother’s death — and celebrate her life, too! — as you take your beautiful photos, write your lovely poems and share them with the rest of us. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Thank you for the beautiful blessings for mom and me. I’m having a hard time opening to love again after her loss on top of so many others. Deep breath in and out….
Yes! One of the most challenging parts of grieving is that one loss tends to trigger memories of so many other losses which have come before — kind of like a bell chiming which then starts other distant bells quivering with sympathetic vibrations…
Yes, Will. 🔔
I am so sorry Will.
Thank you, Cindy! Lots of friends have either been diagnosed with serious health challenges (including cancer and memory/cognition) or have died during the past couple of years. I guess this happens more and more the longer we are fortunate to be alive. While I am very sad that this continues to happen, I am also grateful for these reminders of my own mortality. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
A beautiful tribute Will. I always feel better after a cry so I’m sure you’re right about it contributing to healing.
Yes. May we all have a good cry and then feel better!
What a lovely rendering of this wise and poignant poem, Will! And thank you for sharing Erica’s story; she was clearly a terrific person. I love the photo of her with the horse.
I emphatically agree about the healing power of tears.
And what an adorable boy you were! That photo is great.
You spread kindness and goodness all around. I am grateful to benefit, virtually, from your gentle presence.
THANK YOU!!! It is such a gift to be part of our WordPress community…
Tears are meant to be shed. It’s how we let go and move on. Music helps that happen. Such a beautiful post, Will.
You sum up the (vital) process of grieving perfectly. Thank you, Jennie!
Thank you, Will!
So beautiful, Will. I watched a church service on line recently where the music minister recounted listening to music in her car and finding herself weeping. She then told us – “Pay attention to your tears. They tell you what you need. They tell you where you may go next.” I love that.
I love the idea/practice of using our tears as a guidepost for what we need and where we may go next… THANK YOU for listening and commenting, Carole!
It is very sad to lose a dear friend. So sorry for your loss. Your song is a beautiful tribute, and the piano accompaniment is so well done.
Your flash back to songs you sang as a child took me right back to the 60s. It was a musical era like none other. Stewball and Charley and MTA Sloop John B and Blowin’ in the Wind where what I learned to play the guitar on in college.
Your song title took me a whole different direction, back to Lesley Gore and “It’s my Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to.”
I believe crying is very cathartic. The tears wash the pain from the brain!
Love your poetic/rhyming summary — “The tears wash the pain from the brain!” Well done! And yes, so many great songs to inspire one to learn how to play guitar in that era. My family had several PP&M albums as well as one by Bob Gibson and one by Miriam Makeba which I listened to over and over again…
Thank you, Will. Have a good week.
Don’t songs that make you cry often make you feel better? As beautiful as music can be all by itself, I am always most moved by beautiful words combined with beautiful music.
Yes. Words (even if I don’t understand all of them) and music together tend to affect me more than just words or just music. Thank you for listening!!!
As to your question, when did he have a good cry? Never, that would be showing weakness. He’s about himself 24/7/365. He’s about gaining advantage over anyone and everyone.
Steffi, one of the violinists might have heard Cry If You Want To when she attended Berklee School of Music. She said she’ll give it a listen.
Your friend, Erica, was lovely. So sorry she passed away.
I agree that he may not have cried in a looooong time. It’s taken me MANY years to understand that vulnerability can be very special powerful in the right circumstances. And yes, Erica WAS lovely. I think about her every time I sing this particulatrsong… THANK YOU for reading and listening and commenting!
Beautiful post and song, Will. The last time I cried? Moments ago, I heard that a dear friend just crossed over from brain cancer. Sending blessings and love!💕
Thank you for reading and listening and then writing such a heartfelt comment, Cindy. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what we need to do — such as when a dear friend has crossed over… Deep breath in. Deep breath out.